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Thursday 17 December 2015

12 Days of Christmas: Day 4 - The Holiday


It was nice having Sam for a day instead of me wasn’t it? He was the substitute teacher who came in for the day and you just did whatever you liked and had a good time. I guess in that scenario I am the full-time teacher that stresses everyone out and makes students cry. Wow, I really don’t come out well in this metaphor. Maybe I’ll just move onto the film we are looking at today so quiet in the back. 


Today we are having a look at the Nancy Meyers’ Romantic Comedy The Holiday. It’s a film that, in my humble opinion, is about getting through Christmas as a lovelorn thirty-something single woman. Now if it isn’t already exceedingly clear, these 12 days and their 25 day predecessor is an incredibly biased set of film reviews that are solely based on their writers’ feelings toward Christmas and how it should best be represented. I am not a lovelorn thirty-something single woman. So let’s just go ahead and see how Christmassy it makes me feel. 


Wait, actually before we start let me say this: the film skips Christmas day. It goes Eve ——— Boxing day then flies right off to New Year so that’s -5 straight from the off thus making this the first film to start with minus points. Good luck guys. 

The Christmas Story
Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet play two women who are really terrible with their hearts. Winslet is throwing it all over the place and is happy to play second fiddle as long as she can stare at this curly headed fuck who is just the biggest asshole in the world. Meanwhile Diaz is exceedingly practical and can’t even cry despite the fact she wouldn’t mind crying every now and then. It’s sorta like a really poorly thought out adaptation of Sense & Sensibility. They both come to the identical conclusion that they need to just leave the country and avoid men and love and just focus on themselves, so they house swap. They then meet men and they solve their problems. Oh also, it’s the Christmas holidays, so you’ll see snow sometimes and maybe a tree. 
1/5

The Voice of Christmas 
So Winslet swaps places with Diaz and that puts Winslet right on Sunset Blvd. right next to an elderly ex-screenwriter. He is the one part of this film that did make me feel oddly Christmassy. Maybe it’s just old people, but he is wise and comforting. He also teaches Kate Winslet’s character to respect herself and not just be some side girl. None of which are particularly Christmassy lessons. But to be sure, self-respect shouldn’t be sniffed at no matter what the holiday is.  
3/5


The Annoying Kid at Christmas 
The two children that star in this film are horrifically cloying but undeniably pretty cute. It’s annoying how they are used as emotional leverage but let’s not get bitchy about this film. Let us go back to the curly headed fuckboi who messes with Kate Winslet. My god he is a shit. I think every time he showed up I verbally abused him. He is just a worthless human being and from minute one any viewer can tell he is bad news and barely even attractive. The down point is that he receives absolutely no comeuppance. He is used by Winslet as the stepping stone into maturity but really you are left wanting him to be left naked in a ditch somewhere, or at least for the film to end with the lady he was planning on marrying finding out he is a worthless crock pot of bile and leave him. 
3/5

The Christmas Miracle  
Jack Black
5/5


The Christmas Message
Be your own woman but also find a man ‘cause you can’t function without one…
0/5

Additional Points
-Jack Black +2
-This was the only picture I could find that was Christmassy -1


Conclusion 
Christmas time rom-coms are a brilliant combination. You only need to look at the modern Christmas classic Love, Actually to see that. But here we see a run of the mill rom-com that slots itself into the winter season with the dream of becoming a great Christmas film by association. I may be being overly harsh but I’m doing this in my free time and appeasing fans of The Holiday isn’t really what I’m shooting for here. I’m sure Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens is a better Christmas film than The Holiday but it’s not like we’d be stupid enough to review that now would we…



8/25

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